In 2063

I'm turning 48 in a week.
I'm not happy about that. I don't like that number. I was no fan of 47 mind you. But 48 is just to damn close to 50.

I'm single. Big shock. I'm also finally addressing some stuff that needs to be taken care of soon. I used to get real specific here but a few years back someone work-related stumbled on this spot so now I tend to be more careful.

Too bad. I miss my little space to let my bluebird out.

Sorry for all the ramblings but hey, is it the name of the blog.

OK. I'm going to bed. If anyone finds this in 50 years, I was a good guy who tried to overcome demons   and a screwed up family.

And I loved my cats.

Sorry

I throw these things up here
Without much thought at all
Just words on a screen to an empty universe

Bruce said, "There's a joke here somewhere and it's on me."
And I think he was right
Each day goes by and yesterday seems like years ago
No one here with me and no one else to blame for that but the guy in the mirror

Wish I had something deeper to say
Wish I had something with more heart.
But this is the best I got right now.
Sorry.

Time is Running Out

Want to feel safe here
Not sure I do
I just try to be me
But that's not the way

I'm keeping it clean
Not doing those things
I used to do
That chased you away

Not easy, I'll tell you that
Seven cans and six lids
But I press on anyway
Hoping something's around the corner

Getting older
Feeling it more
Time is running out.
And I know it

Can't Get Down

Taking it slow
Thick skin
Just push on
Can't get down

So much bullshit
All over the place
Lies on top of lies
Can't get down

Say one thing
Do the other
No regards, no remorse
Can't get down

Not even real
Everything's fake
You're not there
Can't get down

Wasting time
But that's OK
Have my boys
Can't get down

Filling the hole

Jim: What do we have?

Rick: The usual. Two dead. She still has the needle in her arm. Must have shot him up first then did herself.

Jim: Couldn't even wait to get home? Who called it in?

Rick: Some girl came into take a piss. Screamed and ran out. Then the bartender took a look and gave a call.

Jim: And everyone left?

Bartender: I called you guys and closed down? I do something wrong?

Jim: Would have been good to talk to the people that were here. See if anyone saw anything or maybe find out who sold to them. You know them?

Bartender: Her I've seen before. She's here all the time. Usually ends up going home with whoever is still here at last call. You know the type.

Rick: I married the type. (The bartender and Jim laugh)

Rick: She got a name.

Bartender: It was Erica.

Rick: You ever?

Bartender: Nope. Got her out of here the few times she couldn't find any takers but that's it.

Rick: Why not? She don't look so bad.

Bartender: I have a girlfriend. Not to speak ill of the dead, but she was a drunk and an addict. You see what I see every night, suddenly easy sex doesn't look so appealing anymore. It's like when I worked in  a deli for awhile. I couldn't eat meat. I'd seen too much.

Jim: Hey Rick, I'm going out for a smoke. See if the ambulance and the crime scene guys are coming.

Rick: Yeah sure and tell that uniform he can beat it now. We've got this. (To the bartender) You know where she lived?

Bartender: Down on 7th and C. I don't know the building but I know the address. Isn't that her purse down there?

Rick: Yeah, but I don't want to touch anything yet. Let those guys take their photos and get out of here and then I'll go through it. Did you call the owner?

Bartender: I called the manager. He'll deal with the owners. What's going to happen.

Rick: You may be closed for a day or so. (Looking up) Oh boy, the guys from the Post are already here. Shocker. White girl dead in village bathroom is good headlines. The TV folks will be showing up too.

Bartender: What do I tell them.

Rick: Tell them another couple looked to the wrong thing to fill that hole we all have in ourselves. I'm going out for a smoke.