A year and a few weeks

I realized I kind of let the one year anniversary of my return to LA slip by without some words.

I guess I should say something about it.

No regrets

That's all I got right now.

On the to do list:

Finish that damn story

Write some others

Try to sell them

Rinse, repeat.

Found Me

Left a few clues for you
Probably wasn't thinking at the time
But you took the bait and followed through
And wandered into my world of rhyme

Now I'm not what you might have thought
Or maybe I'm too much of what you fear
So that whole dance was for naught
Because you're running free and clear

Peace and Desperation

Sitting in Starbucks in Beverly Hills wondering why. I'm here in my suit. I look like everyone else. I have a job and a home and people who care about me and all these other things and yet at times I can feel completely empty.

This is not a woe is me post. It's been way too long since I wrote in this thing. I'm so damn busy with work and so damn stupid with my time when I'm not at work that I don't take the lousy 15 minutes a day it would take me to put something here so the record is complete.

I'm killing time before a work dinner. Truth is I'd rather not go to the dinner. I'd rather go to a meeting. I'd rather just go somewhere and not have to be on. I always feel I have to be on. I have to be something or someone. It's exhausting.

Last night I went to see the person I'm dating. She's nice and sweet and all those things. But is it enough? Of course not. Because she can never be enough. The one before or after couldn't either. And that's because I haven't accepted that I'm enough. Until I do that, nothing else matters.

Back in the Day

Listening to this and thinking about all the times I played it while hanging out at the Dublin House on West 79th. I'd be there alone doing my Bukowski thing with an endless stream of beers and shots and the rest. I'd be trying to look like a dark writer hoping some hot chick into desperate guys would take me home.

Yeah, it happened twice maybe. But if I close my eyes I can taste the beer and the Marlboro and the all that other good stuff. No, I don't miss the end result. I don't miss where I ended up. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that I sometimes wish I could go back for a night.

And yeah, I went home with a waitress or two in my day too.

What's playing in my head

Remember this one? Really not a bad song. Kind of led to the poem below.

In the Dark

Got caught on the platform
Thought I could make a break
But they were too quick
And I was too late

Taken to an empty hole
Fought but they wouldn't let go
They took my eyes
And robbed my soul

Left hanging in the dark
Cigarette burns in my arm
Kept asking me over and over
And promised no more harm

Closed them off and went away
Saw things that I'd never seen before
Didn't even feel the cut that drained my life
And I want to come back for more

Cheap Vodka and Bad Wine

I see this as a blues song. Need some harmonica and guitar.

Cheap vodka and bad wine
Got to get me mine

Cheap vodka and bad wine
Just something to help me pass the time

Cheap vodka and bad wine
Helps make me blind

Cheap vodka and bad wine
Oh so much easier to live that lie

Cheap vodka and bad wine
Makes everything feel so fine

Cheap vodka and bad wine
Make it last a little longer with this line

Cheap vodka and bad wine
Makes me forget all the wasted time

Cheap vodka and bad wine
ripped apart my body and mind

Cheap vodka and bad wine
Ate away my prime

Cheap vodka and bad wine
Made you leave all those times

Cheap vodka and bad wine
Took my last dime

Cheap vodka and bad wine
Left me here dying