Able To Feel

Got hit with the most beautiful wave of depression this evening.
I was driving to one of my meetings listening to Cold Play's "Don't Panic" and all of a sudden I felt incredibly alone in the world. I'm almost 50 with not much to show for it beyond a nice career. No wife, no kids, not too many friends. Just me and my head.

Anyway, this all hit me driving down Olympic Blvd. on my way to the church. I pulled over and parked and just let it all out of me. It felt horrible and wonderful all at the same time.

There are lots of reasons I burst. I've been chasing a fantasy and I think I'm now back in reality. I miss my fantasy and maybe one day it will be a reality but it isn't right now and me thinking it is won't help anyone.

That's it. I'm still here and apparently still able to feel.