Got hit with the most beautiful wave of depression this evening.
I was driving to one of my meetings listening to Cold Play's "Don't Panic" and all of a sudden I felt incredibly alone in the world. I'm almost 50 with not much to show for it beyond a nice career. No wife, no kids, not too many friends. Just me and my head.
Anyway, this all hit me driving down Olympic Blvd. on my way to the church. I pulled over and parked and just let it all out of me. It felt horrible and wonderful all at the same time.
There are lots of reasons I burst. I've been chasing a fantasy and I think I'm now back in reality. I miss my fantasy and maybe one day it will be a reality but it isn't right now and me thinking it is won't help anyone.
That's it. I'm still here and apparently still able to feel.
3 comments:
Oh yeah, I have been there too Rambler! I am in the same boat. It's good to feel something and to face the reality of being on your own.... and yet you are NEVER ever alone as GOD is real and loves you very much, and has a plan for your life. Once you give up on your plan and ask God to forgive you for your sins, you can just BE free from guilt and shame and enjoy whatever plan God reveals for your life! It is really great not knowing and not being in control. I know because I am in the same boat and realized that I am certainly not alone. Be blessed.
Still here, able to feel, a job...even a nice career...pain, depression, yes, but a measure of real stability, some friends (how many do you need, Rambler?), people who care enough to check in on you and to reveal their own thoughts, faults, sins and slow attempts to be a little bit better ...people who find your words interesting and you a comfort...well, despite the pain and depression, there seems to be, well, goodness. And grace. And hope.
well, look at the bright side! You have your freedom and at least you are not saddled with a miserable wife who stuffs her face and whines and nags...Free!!!
Post a Comment