The girls

 I probably shouldn't have told you

But I was trying to be honest about who I was

So I told you about the girls

The ones who come over late and leave in an hour

with $400 dollars

I was trying to show you who I was

And who I'm not anymore

You became obsessed with it though

Asking or referring all the time to my pay by the hour companions

To the point where I knew it was a mistake to share it

That it along with so many other things I shared was weaponized against me

You did that so that's why you're like this

You did that so you can never be this

To me they're just some funny stories from a long time ago

From a life that I left behind because I didn't want to die

But to you they became an indictment against me now

And a constant reminder of my flaws

So my bad for sharing.

At least the girls knew to just take the money and stay quiet.

Nurture

Stab me in the heart and try to kiss me 

You've got a strange way of dumping someone

I don't nurture you enough

So let me pull this knife out so I can drown in my own blood 

And be on my way

One minute I'm talking about sharing a hotel in Paris

And the next I'm being told it's over

I'm probably supposed to fight

But I'm too tired, I'm too old.

Lots of men can say all the right things and don't do shit.

I may not say much but I do all the right things.

I show up. I bring flowers. I pick up the check.

I call and I text. You never do those things first. 

I go away and call and you don't return it. 

Think I don't notice? 

Think that doesn't make me put my walls up even more?

And yet I'm the one not nurturing.

Your idea of meaningful conversations seem to involve tearing me to shreds.

I listen to you and I tried to protect you from the blackness of my soul

You think you want to go there but you don't. 

My black clouds have chased away more women than I can count

Breakup with me at the bar and want to hold my hand when we're back out on the street.

Not sure I get that but I don't have to play it anymore

I can live with not being enough. I was never going to be enough.

And maybe no one will be.