Why Feel When You Can Pay

Felt the most wonderful sadness today
Got taken there by David Grey
A song that made me remember
A lost heart and a cold December

Thought she'd stick around
Instead she beat it out of town
Left me hanging in the wind
Wanting to go back to sin

Easier that way they say
Why feel when you can pay
Run from the light
Stop putting up a fight

Go to the edge of the river
And let that cold water deliver
The solution you've avoided for so long
The one that will make those feelings gone

Sat on edge staring out for a while
Until the night reduced me to a scared child
Fell asleep under a dying oak tree
And decided better that tree than me

Good and True

Too much time has slipped away
For me to lose one more day
Waiting around for you to see
The path back to me

Not getting any younger
Not getting any stronger
Just getting older
And maybe a little slower

Gotten used to being alone
That doesn't mean my seed's been sown
Still have something left to give
If you'll just let me live

Brown hair turning to grey
Every morning's two pills a day
Body's gone from rubber to cardboard
And if it's less than a quarter it stays on the floor

But I can still get up to speed
If you'll just come to me
Promise I won't go away
If you hold me every day

Will love you with all there is in me
You'll finally have that peace to let your head be
and what comes with you I'll love too
With all that's good and true

Well this is pathetic

Jeez,  six months with nothing new? Six months since I regurgitated an old post on Christmas. Six months and Rambler has nothing to say. No new stories? No new drama? No new laughs?

None of the above. I just haven't been motivated enough to sit here and cut a vein and let some blood spill out.  I'll try now.

On the professional front things couldn't be better. There indeed can be second acts and mine is going pretty well so far. No regrets at all. Sure there are occasional headaches but being far away from HQ makes it real easy for me to just focus on my world and not get distracted by other noise.

On the personal front things couldn't be muddier. Relationship drama continues. I won't get too specific here to protect the innocent but lets just say I'm learning some valuable lessons and handling a messy situation the best I can.

Good god that sounded lame. Maybe this is why I haven't been on here too much lately. I self censor.

Fluff is good. On heart meds but doing really well. Still miss Skinny.

I may have to back to rants against institutions, culture and the day-to-day struggles.

It'll be a lot more interesting than this shit.

Christmas Eve

Those old days are gone
You and me and a dark bar
Pretending nothing hurt
And this was the way it was supposed to be
Stay there until they threw us out
Grab more beer on the way home
Between that and the snow
Could make it to the end of the night
And sleep through the day
Two lost souls stuck together
Out of desperation and darkness
Just one more smoke, one more beer
And maybe we won't wake up here

Remembering Skinny

Hard to believe that it's already been six months since Skinny moved on. I miss him every day as does his brother Fluff. Interestingly, Fluff has started to pick up some of Skinny's habits. He now hops up on the desk when I'm working and even tries chewing cords but his heart isn't in it. That's good because while I miss Skinny, I don't miss buying new Mac power cords every three months.

Work is good these days. I'm back at the place I was chased out of eight years ago. It's good to be there again and to not only prove I did belong but also do better job than I did the first time around.

On the personal front there isn't much new. I'm in love with a woman who is not available ... yet. I'm holding out hope and she says she wants to be with me. We'll see.

That's it for now. No great works of literature yet. Just a daily grind.

Another Fall

Another fall
And like the leaves soon will be
You're still gone
Think about picking up the phone
But there's no one home
Sometimes in my car
Stuck in traffic
I'll wonder how I got here
And hope you're still somewhere
Other than in my dreams
Which are fewer and fewer
Can't figure much out anymore
But the things I thought brought me light
Don't shine the way they used to
And I never planned for the dark

The Bad Guy

Treated her like shit for 20 years

And I'm the bad guy.

Ignored her and thought only of yourself

And I'm the bad guy

Did whatever you wanted and left her behind

And I'm the bad guy

Deprived her of love and companionship

And I'm the bad guy

She put up with it without a peep

And I'm the bad guy

Let you make the rules and fix the game

And I'm the bad guy

Wouldn't stand up for herself

And I'm the bad guy

Just sat there hoping things would change

And I'm the bad guy

I smiled and offer a shoulder

And I'm the bad guy

I listened and cared

And I'm the bad guy

Gave her the strength see a new road

And I'm the bad guy

Made her remember what its like to be touched

And I'm the bad guy

Could have waited for her to break free and clear

And I'm the bad guy

Didn't need to chase her

And I'm the bad guy

We can't always choose who we fall for

And I'm the bad guy

We can choose what we do about it

And I'm the bad guy

Maybe I am