Shoot first, aim later

Guess it's time for real update vs. a chapter in a story that maybe I'll do something with sometime.

Passed the six month mark at the job and in the port of last resort. It's a slow Friday and I'm being lazy. I should be working on a story proposal but I just don't feel like it right now. I need to chill.

The bloom is off the rose. I don't regret anything but now that the first six months has passed, the newness with it is gone. Yes, I'm back. Yes, I proved I could still do it. The game has changed a little since I left. Lot more shoot first, aim later. I still have game. Move over, Brett Favre, I'm back. All that shit.

And it's still not enough. I'm passed four years without a drink and almost three years without a smoke. I sometimes crave the latter, I'm doing fine without the former.

I've been on some dates since I've been out here but nothing took. There were two that I liked but they didn't go any where. Next weekend, in a most un-Rambler move I am going to New Mexico for a few days to reconnect with a friend/lover who will be there for a conference or something. I need to get away. The job is very draining and I'm as hard on myself as ever.

Still doing the AA thing. Meetings here are different but I'm not going to bore you with all that crap. I still go five-to-six times a week and am gradually getting to know people. It's not easy. I had risen pretty high up the ranks of the recovery chain in NYC and now I'm at the bottom again.

I am reworking my steps and was doing my inventory or resentment list as it is sometimes known and I think I'm my biggest resentment. Yes, I still hate myself.

And, if you've been paying attention, I've been trying to do some more creative writing. That last effort is not finished but for now I need a break from it. I have an idea for another story that isn't quite so tawdry.

On the family front, life is creeping up. Got a brother who is having heart surgery and a mother who has seen better days.

That's the update.