Here I Am

Haven't been posting as much lately. Partly because I don't have a hell of a lot to say at the moment and partly because I've been again working on a story only this one is in a notebook instead of being trotted out here where it dies an early death from lack of attention.

For once I want to try to finish something I start. And I think by writing longhand in a notebook, I stand a better chance of getting something done. I need to stop worrying about where it goes and just try to get there. I am a blow up the bridge before I cross it kind of guy and that means I think of ten reasons not to do something instead of just pushing myself.

With the writing that means I let the voices tell me this won't go anywhere or that I'm boxed in a corner or that I'm bored now but I'll come back later. Basically anything to stop from actually sitting down for say thirty minutes a day and just letting the shit come out.

And it's not like I'm trying to write the great American novel or something. Just some tawdry pulp. I just want to finish something and hopefully I'll get there.

As for not putting a lot out here right now, I want to get back on that stick too. It's too easy to say I'll take a day or two off from this. Before I know it, five days have past and it becomes all the harder to cut myself and bleed a little.

It's not that I don't know who reads what or who thinks what of what I write. Not to be all Ivan Drago here, but I do this for me. I hope some people like what I do or am trying to do. I hope that some identify with my shit and I LOVE when people post comments, even if its only to tell me my poetry is morose.

I'm trying to battle a few more demons these days. No, the old ones have not returned. But there are others that need to be dealt with as well or else they'll torpedo whatever it is I want for myself, both personally and professionally.

So that's where I'm at right now. And now that I've started this, I think I'll crank out one of those morose poems.