Here We Go Again

Sorry for the gap in posts. Just not feeling it at all. That said, time for an update. Sometimes pain means change. A relationship that I thought held tremendous promise, perhaps I over thought that, has been "bookmarked." Those are her words. Anyway, I'm not going to get into all that right now. I care a lot about this person and know she is going through some tough times and maybe we'll find our way back to each other again, or not.

But the pain I felt from having this end has led me to take some steps. I finally had a real talk with the old man about our relationship and what it was like being his son. It was honest painful and real and only possible because I was in enough pain to finally say what I've been holding back for decades. He took everything in and there were no blowups. It's up to me now to be able to move on from the past. I don't know if I can, but at least I know I left nothing on the table.

I wrote a piece and submitted it for publication. I still haven't heard yet but if the place I sent it turns it down, I'll just send it somewhere else. Anyone who knows me or reads this knows I struggle to finish anything but in this case I was motivated, banged it out and did it. If nothing comes of it, at least I finished something for once.

Lastly, we all know I'm not in love with my job. Well, this week I went after a job and while I'm a long way from getting it, the process is starting and I feel hopeful about my chances. This job, if I get it, would mean moving back to a place I used to live and I think it is something I want. Some might think I'm using the wrong motivation with this particular case since this job and said girl are in the same city. I don't think that is the case.

The good thing about all this is that this relationship situation has forced me to really address things I don't like in my life and start to make changes. I know some might say you are moving too fast. Wait six months and see if you really still want out of New York. This job won't be there in six months and I know I don't want to be in my current one in six months. As for New York, if I bomb I'll come back.

I know that if, and it is a big if, this thing comes to fruition that my first priority will be getting connected out there. You know what I mean. I can't let what I've worked so hard on for over three years start to drift in a new town. I know how it happens. Oh, you've got the cash and prizes now, you don't need to focus so much on the meetings and the program. Bullshit. I will need to really reach out and establish a network like I did here. It will go against all my instincts, which means it is the right thing to do.

I know what I have to do and I'm doing it.

Rambler Out!