I've spent the past few days trying to compose some brilliant masterful piece of prose or poem that can somehow express what you've meant to me and how much I want you to tell you that today.
My attempts alas are too rehearsed. That's appropriate. We learn in this life not to rehearse but to be true to the moment and trust that feeling. Trying to think about the future or obsessing about the past is not our way anymore.
So I'm forgetting about the poem that's saved in draft form and instead just going to spill it here, raw, uncut, unedited.
It was almost a year ago that you reached out to me and let me know where you were, what you were and that you knew where I was and what I was.
Since then we've seen each other through the sun and the shit (like I said, unedited and uncut). Even now, I feel your presence despite the absence. And I know I'm not just throwing this out into the abyss. You'll find it. I have a card to prove it.
I hate not knowing what is going on every day. In some sick fucked up way I feel like a sense of purpose has been lost. I know that's just not the case and I know what my purpose is and I know in a weird way what this is now is fulfilling that purpose. I know, but you know how the mind works. Different levels take different readings. The important thing is my skirt rule is being followed.
Anyway, this isn't about me. This is your day and I'm so happy for you and I hope it is a good one and that you are having a good time with mother. I know you have travels coming up so enjoy them and enjoy this time because no matter the ups and downs, you'll be looking back at it with fondness. The rawness, the pain, the joy, the angst, that's all part of living. That's the deal. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's not. But we show up. It's what we do. No more running. Funny, this is meant to make you smile and it's making me smile. Hopefully it'll make us both smile.
Happy Birthday!!!!
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