A Marlboro Would Taste Really Good Right Now

Just being honest.

Another unproductive day at work. Not my fault. I'm for all intents and purposes an event planner. I could dress it up and spin it and say I work in a think tank and I convene conferences and arrange speakers for senior level executives, yada yada but when you cut through the BS, I plan events.

Part of the pain of this gig is that you spend a lot of time waiting. You send an invite to someone to participate in your event. Then you follow-up and leave them a message and then another and they still don't call back. It's hard not to take it personally even though it has nothing to do with me. At least I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with me. It helps if the moderator of the event takes an active role in the event but in this latest one I'm working on my moderator--a fairly well known person in media circles--isn't exactly killing himself to help his own event. If he got involved, we'd probably have our panelists all locked in.

That's fine. That's my job, I'm just saying...

What does this have to do with wanting a smoke. Nothing except when I'm not busy I'm on YouTube looking at old rock videos and today I was watching some Keith Richards and some old Guns 'N' Roses and one certainly can't watch that without really wanting to suck down a Marlboro Red or two or three hundred! I just passed the six month mark with out a smoke and I feel good and I know I'm saving some money but that doesn't mean the urge goes away. It's gone most of the time and I've been very lucky on that front, but today between the big lunch I had that would digest so much better if I had some tar and nicotine for dessert and the videos...Anyway, I'm not going to do it.

Everyone else cut out of work early. I may do nothing all day, but I'll be damned if I'll cut out early. I'm a responsible slouch. Besides, one of these pompous jerks might return my call and say yes to my panel. I've left two messages over the past three days. Is that too desperate? Should I play hard to get now? I know. Take the action and let go of the result. I'm good at letting go of the result. It's the taking the action part that's a pain in the ass.

I dropped my laundry off today. This is a big deal because it means I won't be doing my laundry tonight and that means I have to find some other way to avoid being alone in my thoughts.

Well, it's almost five o'clock. I'm going to head downtown. I need some hard luck action because all I've been getting lately is that touchy-feely whiny crap and I'm tired of it. I go through phases on this stuff and tonight is definitely downtown time.

But fear not peeps, nothing to worry about here. Just blowing off some steam. Tomorrow I'll take a nice long sweaty run in Central Park and feel great. Actually, I might do that tonight too. It's not like I have laundry to worry about. My problem is that if I could, I would walk to the laundry nude just so I know that all my clothes would get clean. That's how OCD I am about this shit.

Seriously, not to get too far off track (not that this post has had a track) but I'm the type who buys a new shirt then won't wear it. I want to save it for a special occasion. I'm not talking some expensive shirt either, it could be a t-shirt, a sweatshirt, a pair of socks...I'm insane.

On that note...time to get some sanity and I do that by listening to people more crazy than me.