Take the Day or Let the Day Take Me?

This is my new struggle. For years, I wake up, run, do laundry, go to the gym, etc. In other words, I set up task after task all with the direct purpose of avoiding spending any time without something specific to do because, well, me without something specific to do is not always such a hot idea. The other end result is that by 3 p.m. I'm pretty much wiped.

But I'm realizing this has to stop. I need to develop some other interests beyond laundry, exercise and an endless supply of bogus errands I put in front of myself to avoid the quiet storm that brews in my head.

So last week, instead of jumping out of bed and doing all this crap, I read for a few hours, ate breakfast and then did everything I needed to do. It was something of an awakening. I did it again on Sunday. Everything still got done in a relaxed fashion.

Now I'm trying it again but it is still a struggle. I'm (cough) in my EARLY 40s and I still really have a problem being in my skin without distraction for very long. Reading is sometimes a struggle for me. Hell, sitting still is a struggle. All of this, of course, has led to numerous issues in my life, lifestyle, relationships, etc. and I'm addressing them finally but it doesn't change overnight.

Anyway, my heart attack on a roll has just arrived (sausage, egg, and cheese on a roll) and I'm going to wolf that down, read the paper and then once everything has been digested or done away with, I'll go for a long run.

I think another motivation in trying to make this change is the somewhat depressing recognition that my body can't take five or six days of working out a week anymore. Hell, that was too much ten years ago but now it really is working against me. It will be a really struggle but I'm going to have to try to really keep the running and the gym to four days a week. Problem is when I don't go I become very self-loathing. I feel worthless, etc. I know, that might mean you need more time on the couch and less on the treadmill. Believe me, I have plenty of couch time.

I know the answer to the question posed in the title. But I've known lots of answers and still not gotten it right. Eventually I do though, just takes a while.