Feeling Guilty, Feeling Scared, Hidden Cameras Everywhere!

Apologies to Ray Davies.

Haven't been to the gym since Sunday. I know, two days, big fucking deal. But for me two days is a big deal. Haven't been able to get out of bed in the morning, in part because I've been going to bed later. Sunday was Super Bowl; last night was reading papers for the class I'm teaching. These kids are not the brightest. Of 15 students, one did a really good job and two or three others won't have to completely rewrite their stories. Whatever.

I'm tense lately and also been doing the self-abuse thing like it is going out of style. Yes, I've found some new Internet sites to explore but four times in a day! What the hell am I trying to escape?

Went on another Internet date. Perfectly fine but I didn't feel any spark. Of course I also realize that without booze, you actually really have to be interested in someone to want to be intimate with them. Radical!

In the meantime, the girl I briefly dated, the one with the etiquette issues (you know, jerk a guy off but then drop him via email, yeah that one) asked me to be her friend on Facebook. I said yes. I was tempted to write in the part where it said how do you know each other that we met online, got to third base and then she had buyer's remorse.

I know I sound like I'm still angry over that and maybe I am a little but I really think I'm just kind of like "what was that all about anyway?" It's the detective in me that wants to know what the deal was. Have to remember that none of that shit really matters.

In the meantime, I sometimes wake up in the morning and wonder if I ever really want to wake up next to someone on a daily basis. Maybe that's just not me. And if it isn't, would that be so bad?

OK, I promised myself I'd actually do some fucking work today so I'm putting the anxiety aside for right now and will go back to writing letters for my latest lame panel. And I already rubbed one out this morning so I don't know why I'm so tense.

Rambler out!