Reading the New York Times Magazine cover story yesterday on the rebuilding of the New Orleans school system and I was once again struck with this urge to do something different with my life.
It's a feeling I've been getting more and more lately. So what holds me back? The velvet coffin I'm in for starters. I make good money and don't have to do too much except, oh yeah, look in the mirror and have some self-respect.
That's a little harsh. It's not like I'm a corporate lawyer or a gun smuggler. I'm just part of a big con. And as each day goes by it gets tougher to feel good about my place in the world. Yeah, I'm channeling Jerry McGuire, but I know the feeling. And hey, if I were content being an event planner at a wannabe think tank then none of this would matter. But I'm not. To borrow from the movie Metropolitan, "The acid test is whether you take any pleasure in responding to the question `What do you do?' I can't bear it."
Of course, if I had anything, anything at all, going on in my personal life then the work situation would not seem so unsatisfying. I've always put to much pressure on work to fill the void elsewhere. It's asking a lot. Still, one should get some fulfillment out of the thing they spend most of their waking time doing.
For twenty years I've toyed in my mind with the idea of teaching or social work or psychotherapy. Oh yeah, and rock star, but that one's not happening.
Yes, this is another Rambler's dissatisfied post. Maybe he'll get off his ass and actually do something then instead of wallowing in angst.
Maybe I will.
On a side note, I had totally forgotten how great Courtenay Cox looks in that Counting Crows video "A Long December."
3 comments:
You would possibly be the worst New Orleanian ever. You'd have to slow way down, take the fact that nothing works and seemingly no one works at a real job for granted, and receive a huge pay-cut, assuming you could get a job there at all (the Shell Building, the tallest in the city, is on some floors, well, a shell). If New York runs on ego, money, and constant cut-throat competition, New Orleans is the opposite of all that. And it is essentially an island: the largest city anywhere near, Houston (five hours by car), is hated by old New Orleanians as a characterless nouveau riche sprawl.
One caveat: it is thankfully utterly unlike any other city in the US.
Tell me what you think of "black and white in color," my recent post about black and white vs. color film. It's still your job, champ.
The idea would be to teach. And yes, there would be a huge pay hit. But fortunately, someone reminded me of the fourth season of "The Wire," and that helped set my brain straight. Oh yeah, and talking to someone who teaches in the Bronx who said it was great except for the students...
I kid...still, need to find something.
These things you think and feel about moving onto something more meaningful, reaching people who would benefit from your talents are probably exactly what you need to be doing. You just need to have a fire lit...so to speak. I think ideas which excite a person are pretty good indicators of the work s/he is designed to do. You just need to find the impetus, the courage to step out of the system into the plan. Make a plan, Stan. Didn't one of your blogger people go on a trip with the 'Brick' people? Maybe just a couple days down there to check it out...
'The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled
A heart thats hopeful
A head thats full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems'
{from "Place in this World")
Michael W. Smith
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