Teen Angst Circa 1983

Rambler went home for the holidays and discovered this in a box of junk. It was written during freshman year at NYU. Enjoy.

October 23, 1983

As I sit in my room, I realize something. It's over. 18 years. A lifetime. Fun, memories, disappointments. Stuff that should last forever has ended. they say, now `you'll live.' I'd like to say that if this is living I'd rather be dead. No longer am i living for myself but for a system. A system to get a job, settle down and in thirty years ask if it was worth it.

Time flew in high school and all that came before it. It flew because it was freedom. It was fun. It symbolized the joy of living. Time flies here. It flies for different reasons though. Here is just a wait station for reality. reality being working for nothing and seeing that what one does doesn't change a hell of a lot in a world like this.

I'm not ready to let go of the past. Maybe in time I will be, but I'm not now. Especially when I'm letting go all alone here. From the looks of other people, I must be the only one who had a fun past. Or is it that I took it all too seriously? I guess it had to end. Now instead of constant joy, I, like the rest of the world, must find it in little spurts.