Down Not Out

A blog is sometimes supposed to be reactive. I'm reacting to things in my life. I guess that's why I have been posting so little lately. There just isn't a whole hell of a lot to react to and what is there is on the inside.

Want me to react to my inability to get into relationship? Shit, I don't even know if I want one right now. Kind of like being aloof from it. And yeah, that's running away. But my track record indicates that maybe I shouldn't run into anything right now. I have a few prospects but I just right now don't feel the energy to go forward. I don't know what it's about and I'm sure it'll pass, but right now it all just seems to be a hassle.

I can babble about being on some voyage of self-discovery and spirituality and maybe there is something to it, but I could just as easily say I'm shutting down and just filling my bare needs elsewhere so I don't have to open myself up to another one's needs and desires. Of course, that means I won't get my own needs met either.

I am not angry about any of this, just sort of watching it like a detached observer. Which is how I feel about my life right now. Good thing I have therapy today.

Or I'm just pissed I didn't get to bang the hottie in the office....yet. Remember, you are reading the blog of a guy who waited 16 years to nail his high school crush. Rambler's a patient man.

Going to run and blow off whatever is inside me. And yes West Coast advisor I know that running may seem like I'm getting rid of something inside me but I'm not. Maybe true, but it does make the swelling go down.