Yes, it's a sad day when Rambler is stealing from Bill Maher, but what the fuck, Maher once hit on my girlfriend when I was living in LA so this is payback.
Anyway, new rules.
1) If you didn't live in NYC in the 70's or 80's, stop writing about it like you did. Don't go on about the demise of the meatpacking district and how sad that is when in fact it's your generation that has led to its demise. Don't bemoan the days of trannies and burnt out buildings when you weren't there to see them in the first place.
2) Don't tell me how dirty Tompkins Square Park is today. Puhleeze. I'd eat Chinese food off the cement in Tompkins today vs. even ten years ago. If that is your idea of dirty, head back to Massachusetts, Vermont or Wisconsin or wherever you came from.
3) If you are going to live here, learn how to use the subway. The other day this girl was telling me it takes her 45 minutes to get from the village to the upper east side. Why? Because she takes the 1 train to 79th and then takes a bus crosstown. How about taking an express to Times Square, grab the 7 or shuttle to Grand Central and take the 4,5,6 and be up there in thirty minutes? More trains doesn't mean more time.
4) Stop changing the names of neighborhoods so white people feel better about gentrifying them. SoHa? NoHa? Anything to avoid the dreaded "H" word. I'm waiting for Morningside Heights to become MoHe.
I welcome your additions.
4 comments:
Stop shouting your conversations across subway seats as if you're in a private van. Subways are for reading.
Stop buying Terror! photo booklets of burning buildings and falling bodies from the peddlers around ground zero. It was sick eight years ago and it's sick now.
Walk faster.
Stop pretending you're something when you are a big fat zero and will never amount to jack squat.
Stop handing out stupid happiness flyers. I'm not happy and I don't want anyone trying to make me smile.
Stop pushing and shoving. Don't you dare touch even look at me sideways and I will gladly get out of your way when it's your stop.
well i only lived there long enough to: be mugged by a homeless, dropped off by a cabbie under a bridge in the dark because I didn't have the money to go any further, and to pick up grass and dirt on my freshly dipped patent leather shoes. long enough to tell someone not to look at or touch me or I swear...
Morningside Heights, as George Carlin famously said, is also known as White Harlem.
Yea the cute gentrification names are annoying. SoBro? For fuck's sake, what is wrong with the South Bronx's actual names? What is wrong with Mott Haven or Melrose?
At least a sizable crowd has resisted calling Hell's Kitchen, Clinton.
New York has great neighborhood names: Spuyten Duyvil, Rockaway, Throggs Neck, Kip's Bay, etc. Don't need no pixies coming in to give it atmosphere.
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