Once in group therapy a girl told me that I really wasn't the cad I portray myself to be. Yeah, I've done the hooker thing and yeah, I sometimes wasn't a faithful boyfriend, but the truth of the matter, she said, is that I was a decent nice person.
Her point was that I run away from that. And I do. Even in my attempts to write. It always come from the bad apple point of view. Nice guys don't get the vixen. Nice guys get stomped on. Growing up I got stomped on, both literally and physically.
No one is stomping on me now. And I've got enough stories to know that I don't need to do any more research. And ultimately, I am a nice guy. I'm a guy who has to learn boundaries. I'm a guy who has to stop trying to people please so much that I repress my own needs and I'm a guy who has to really be clear on his intentions and stop assuming everyone can read what I'm thinking.
I like someone. I don't think she likes me the same way. I am not going to keep putting my hand on a hot burner and wonder why I get burnt. But that said, I'm not being led on by this person and I need the friends and the practice. As long as I know what to expect and not expect, I can only gain from the experience. But if I go down the "if I just keep being my witty self she'll fall," I'll be the one who gets bruised.
I don't need to get bruised anymore and I also don't need to do any more bruising either.
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