Not Today.

It's early in the morning. I'm getting ready to do my laundry. I'm feeling a little empty. Feeling a little removed. A little isolated. A little out there. The tears start to build behind my eyes, which are the wrong color. There are those split seconds where I could throw myself off the roof and feel free at last.

I feel like this. And that's ok. I'm not going anywhere. But sometimes it's nice to write about it. Just put it there that I have those thoughts from time to time rather than deny they exist. Acknowledge that I've got a dark side in me, that there are times it feels like I'm missing something inside. There is probably a fine line between the serial killer and the self-mutilator. The serial killer is missing something that makes him want to do harm to others. Me, I'm missing something that makes me want to harm myself.

I feel like this song. I love this melody. I love the idea of sitting in a front of that phone booth. Only I'd be sucking down a Marlboro. It's been 18 months since I quit, but man sometimes I could really use one.

Not today. Time to pull myself to pieces and do the laundry. Sounds like something need to be cleaned.