Acting As If

Been almost a week. I wish I had something to say other than I have been acting out in the only ways I have left these days. It's Friday night, plans fell through. I'm cool with that. Got the Laundry done. But today and yesterday was just a waste in my head. Went to the office but didn't work. Well, did some work but not enough. It's tough to motivate when you're so unmotivated.

I try to act as if, as in act as if I like my job. It's hard. It's harder because I don't hate it, I just don't have any interest in what I do or what my place of business does.

A semi-big TV exec died the other day from cancer. About a month ago he participated in one of my events even though he was sick. He even brought someone with him to administer chemo during a break. I knew he was sick but didn't know the end was that near. I hope he didn't know either. While I'm very grateful that he came and participated, I find it a little sad that a dying man spent five hours at one of my events. Didn't he have anywhere better to be?

Of course, he was acting as if. As if he wasn't dying from cancer. Who am I to judge how he decided to spend his last weeks? Ultimately, we all end up in the same place. That's why I should really stop the obsessing over the career. When I'm in the ground it won't be my work world that will remember or care, it'll be those in my personal life. So I guess I better get a personal life, otherwise it'll just be the cats visiting me in the ground.

Now I'm going to act as if I'm going to bed. Eyes are soar, as are other parts.