OK, I need some input here. I meet a girl, we go out on 3.5 dates (I'm giving the first afternoon coffee only half-a-date) over two weeks. There is some heavy petting (both sides receive pleasure) and fooling around. Today, I send said girl an email saying maybe we can grab coffee Tuesday or something. I then get an email response saying we'd be better suited as friends, yada yada yada.
Now, I have no issues with this, really. She was nice and all, but honestly I'm not so sure there was a long-term future or even a short-term one. While I am curious as to why the sudden turn of events, what I'm really wondering is that after two rather intense grope sessions, is an email appropriate or should I have gotten a phone call or even been told in person?
Truth is, email is better, but it doesn't seem right. I've checked in with one female friend who says the email was a "pussy move." I tend to agree, but am willing to hear other views.
Anybody?
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6 comments:
Okay, I think that the groping was probably premature, in that you really did not have much time to get to know each other, to develop a sense of trust, and she was probably feeling vulnerable and...had second thoughts about it. If you want it to meaningful, you have to take the time to make it meaningful. Certain things are and should remain off limits while you are getting to know each other. It would be far better for both and you would not be dealing with emails like these if there were communication/respect of each other's privacy/boundaries. We all need to learn the hard way, seems.
Someday, you'll just meet someone and not allow yourself to go that far, not because you've become a prude but because you really WANT it to last and become strong and good. blah blah...best wishes for some effin respect. Next girl, tell her...no Dear Johns. dam that's wordy. Happy New Year, I thought you were 32!
well, I agree on the groping and, not that it matters, I was not the grope instigator. That said, I have several theories (and really I have a reporter's curiousness on this one, nothing more, that the fear was from her that I was the last thing any ex would ever accuse me of---clingy, which probably got confused for politeness...
This might seem like a load of crap to you, but while positive intellectual conversation and shared emotional experiences can trigger a desire to move closer to a person physically, the opposite will happen when a thinking feeling person gives in to physical urges and later regains control of their higher faculties. You know, it's like you've sold out for a few moments of playzure. You allowed the thing to move into the physical realm too quickly, and if one or both of you are on the same page, you'll back off and wanna redefine the boundaries. If she has any self respect or a conscience, she has to pay the consequences of letting you into her personal space. It's that haunting feeling of being a cheap bimbo. Her conscience will trigger responses based on her emotional, intellectual and spiritual experience and she will try to reset the boundaries. Rambler, email is just an easy way not to have to make more of it than she wants to. Her saying that you are too clingy is probably how she sees it...moving in too quickly and seeing her too often for anyone is considered clingy, EVEN if you like each other. It's so tricky to maintain a healthy balance at the beginning, since you are just trying to decide how you feel. ANYTHING you say or do can be misconstrued. She's communicated her freaked out feelings and you can either take it as a rejection, or if you like her, see it as a sign that she is normal and the relationship is taking a corrective path... allow her to be in control and just let her know that the door is open if she ever wants to talk.
A load of crap, right?
she didn't say I was clingy, I'm taking a guess here, but i think you're right about some of the stuff. hey, my house is clean on this one.
I agree with too much intimacy too soon, but putting that aside... if you’ve engaged in that kind of interaction, be a grownup and make a phone call if you're going to break it off.
If a guy had done that to a girl, we'd be gossiping with our girlfriends and saying what a wimp he is and good riddance!
yeah, that is one of the sick parts of this e-society we live in. Its too easy to replace the face-to-face with the quick-and-dirty. Perhaps she was caught up in the moment (groping) I've been guilty of it (when blasted)
Since then, however, If I don't feel it, I told the guy asap as not to foster any mistaken interest. Mostly on internet dates. I mean, in real-time, unless I was into the guy and we had some sort of mutual interest already-there wouldn't be any groping.
And I agree this girl was a jerk to bow out via the net, but look at this this way, at least she didn't drag it out. You know what kind of person she is ahead of the game.
The worst thing is when you tell a guy you're not interested and they view it as some sort of challenge.
I know you must be hurt by this cold retort. No one likes rejection. But we love you Rambler!
Even though its that sort of e-kind of love...
:-)
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