No Expectations

Landed at JFK at 8:30 this morning. Managed to sleep through most of the flight. Actually, managed to maintain a state of unconciousness through the night. Had a window seat and a guy who looked like a cross between Chris Elliot and that guy from "Just Shoot Me" and Sarah Silverman's show. I know, if you need two references to identify him then he probably isn't a good person to use to describe someone else.

Anyway, flight was fine but I left one of my journals on the plane. Fortunately my name isn't in it, but that said I did call lost-found at the airport and maybe I'll luck out. If anyone finds a blue notebook from row 15 filled with ramblings and babblings of a half-lived life, please let me know.

Of course, if they find it, I almost don't want to know because they certainly will read it and there is some stuff in there that is best left unread so maybe I shouldn't have phoned it in. I also worry because there is an attempt at a story in there that is...well...mildly disturbing to say the least. No, it won't get me sent away but nonetheless. In reality it is just another failed attempt at noir but I'd rather keep my failures to myself.

Funny thing is I'm not nearly as upset about the book as I thought. Now that is partly because it was relatively new so there really wasn't a whole lot of stuff in there but it also is one of those things. Either they'll find it or it is gone forever but there is nothing I can go about it now. I realized it as the cab was going through Central Park so there wasn't any chance of going back. They clean these jets and turn them around pretty fast these days.

So now I'm home and it is 11 a.m. Just ate a sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich (heart attack on a roll) and now I'm having the coffee listening to Bach. It is chilling me out. I've unpacked and it would be very easy for me to start running around and creating work or getting outside, anything to escape my head. But this is the head I'm stuck with and sometimes it's best not to escape it but learn to sit with it. I'm doing a little housecleaning and I will do laundy later (I'm a little OCD when it comes to laundry, more on that another time). I'm going to hit a meeting, see a play that my Dad's wife wrote that is being performed in some community workshop or something. I don't want to go, really don't but there is no way out on this one. Has nothing to do with her, more to do with him but that is also a story for another day. I know, I'm a tease. Truth is I'm just putzing around on this thing gradually revealing bits and pieces while figuring out what bits and pieces to toss out there. BTW, does anyone know how to work the spellcheck on a MacBook? I can get it to tell me what I've spelled wrong but not what the correct spellings are. They don't really expect me to go to a dictionary do they?

As I was saying, gradually I'll try to form more of a narrative to this thing. I view this as an outlet and a place for me to develop the habit of trying to write a little. If I can do this daily or at least several times a week then maybe I can build the discipline to write for myself. Trust me, I've got better stuff in my head then the stuff you are seeing on this screen. Actually, I don't know if anyone is seeing this on the screen. I should pull the Rupert Murdoch trick. He has his reporters write stories using words that will get hits on Google searches. Fuck, suck, blowjob. There, that ought to boost readership by millions.

I was actually at Google this past week. I saw the big display where you see all the searches going on. Believe me, that thing was severely edited! It really is a college campus and since I went to a city college, it did not appeal to me the way it did my coworkers. It's a strange place. I'm not sure how I feel about Google. Actually, I'm not sure how I feel about technology. For everything good that can come out of technology, I can give you ten bad things. At this one panel this futurist was talking about the rise of cellphones in impoverished areas of the world. He was using this as an example of how technology will connect and help erradicate poverty and gaps between first and third world. That may be, but I haven't seen it yet. Lots of poor people have cable TV too. Doesn't seem to make a difference. You'll learn as you read me that I"m something of a contrarian dinosauer. I can also be hypocritical, selfish and lots of other things. Not boring though!!!