Steak and Gatorade

OK, it's Monday night. Just thought I'd get on the keyboard. Nothing much to report. It was hot today but not as humid as had been expected. Still, sticky and hot enough to get that New York garbage smell going. You know that smell. It only shows up in the summer on certain intersections like Broadway and 99th Street. Wish I could explain what that rotting food smells like...I mean other than rotting food, which is not that much of a description.

Back at work today after the week in Silicon Valley. Still busy but not completely crazed. Have to stay busy and not let old habits come back. In other words, stick to your work instead of working your stick. Not bad, I just came up with that one. My mind is slipping. Thought I had to go down to Union Square for a meeting and I had the day wrong. It's tomorrow. But tomorrow I'll fool them and I won't show up. So I used the occasion of being in Union Square to call a friend and have coffee and catch up. It was fine and frankly necessary. I needed to make sure this person held no hold on my anymore and lo and behold she doesn't. Not that we aren't friends and all that, but the urge to try to rekindle something that wasn't there to start with has finally left me.

There are lots of reasons why I finally had this realization but the primary one is a desire to keep my side of the street clean. In other words, no more trying to manipulate people into doing things I want, especially when what I want is usually instant gratification and a clean getaway.

Anyway, had the coffee, talked and came home. Picked up the dry cleaning which was nice since the dry cleaners was supposed to be closed but they were open. I'll take the little joys in life where I can get them. I don't know what I'm doing with my career, I'm not sure where my personal life is going or if I even have one but at least I picked up my dry cleaning and the bills are paid.

I'll tell you one thing. All this clarity is good for my softball game. I'm having a great season at the plate. I've never been a power hitter and I'm still not but I've finally straightened out my swing and all the lame pop outs are for the most part history.

I realize my last post--the lame attempt at poetry or whatever the fuck that was--was pretty dark. I felt better later that night. That's the good thing now. I can have those moods now and know that I can ride them out and play them through instead of acting on them with a couple of phone calls and a couple grand.

That said, I'm still a little dark. The hurt gets worse, the heart gets harder. I hope that is still not the case but right now that's the way I have to be to get through to the next day. Even when neither side does anything wrong it doesn't mean there isn't pain, regret, mistakes and all that other shit that goes with trying to break out of your head and be part of something bigger.
And it sure beats the alternative.

OK, time to crash. Cheesesteak is doing a number on me. It was a little extra salty tonight, which is cool since I'm stocked up on gatorade.

I still don't know what I'm doing with this thing. I don't have the guts yet to really cut into myself and spill it on the screen. Not sure if I need to start another one of these that no one will know about so I can be a d-d-d-dangerous man. And another one to pontificate about the media and all the other crap from my professional life. But do I really need three blogs that no one will read? I think one that encompasses everything should do the trick. So sooner or later I'll talk about the abuses, the professionals, and the secrets of my not so far away past that got me where I am today. It's not who I am anymore but it is what got me to the place I'm in now and while I've learned not to wallow in the past, I've also learned not to regret it.

Wow, just took a massive! Felt good. Now I can relax.