Nobody Goes There Anymore, It's Too Crowded

I'm starting to go a little stir crazy here in the big city. There's too many people! I know, it's New York, there's always been too many people. But it really is getting out of control. I've spent the better part of the past 34 years living in or around the city and while it's never been an oasis of tranquility, I feel we've passed maximum density.

The tell-tale signs for me are jammed pack subways on a Saturday morning. I shouldn't have to stand at 9:30 in the morning on a fucking Saturday on my way to the gym. I know that the never-ending construction on the 1-2-3 is screwing everything up a little but still where the fuck did all these people come from?

The subway stations themselves need to be gutted. Stairs are too narrow, platforms too small, the forefathers of mass transit were not anticipating this level of population.

Furthermore, no one knows how to ride the subway anymore. I hate these fuckers who stand by the door instead of moving into the train. I hate the fuckers who stand rather than sit when there are empty seats. Guess what, if you sit the car will be less crowded and if you don't sit then don't block me from getting to the seat.

I guess I'm going to rant a little here but what the hell. I also hate when I'm running to get into a train and the guy running in front of me thinks he is the last person getting on so he immediately goes from fifth gear to first as he steps into the car, forcing me to have to get by him without shoving him into the opposite side of the car, which is what I really want to do and will one of these days.

I'm getting annoyed by the endless stream of mariachi bands, gospel acts and Motown wannabees and I fear the only thing worse will be when the cellphones start working in the stations. There are more screamers and nutjobs on the trains. Last night, some guy was babbling about Saudi Arabia and then said if he was annoying people they could shoot him. If it were 25 years ago, he'd be dead by the next station.

Above ground, the streets are filled with people who don't know how to walk on sidewalks. Whether it's because they have ipods on or are babbling on their phones oblivious to the rest of us or they're just annoying out-of-towners without a clue doesn't matter to me. What matters is that between the sidewalks that are torn up by construction (building more condos to jam more people into our already crowded infrastructure) and the people on those sidewalks who are driving out the last bit of culture and color it's become impossible to get anywhere without becoming extremely annoyed.

New York City Serenade indeed!