My fortune cookie says, "you are cautious in showing your true self to others." That sounds about right. Cautious is a word that keeps coming up for me. I often say that I'm shy in person. My shrink disagrees and counters that I'm really just cautious.
I'm beginning to see the point because once I start talking, I don't stop. But it does take me a long time to trust. In fact, I'm not sure how often I have had that feeling of absolute trust. Of course, this explains a lot. Don't know how far back to trace the roots. Was it when my mother was hospitalized for awhile when I was very young so key bonding time was lost?
Was it when my oldest brother did his disappearing act?
Or was it just something that came from being in my family? My brothers, I'm pretty sure, all have the same issue. Probably why none of us are all that close.
I hope one day this fear of trusting is lifted or at least eases a little bit. It's a crappy way to live. It's very self-defeating.
You say trust me
I say prove it
you say trust me
I say prove it it
You say trust me
I say I can't
You say trust me
I say I want to..
I want to trust
I want to feel
I want to believe
I want to be real
I want to reach out
I want to fall
Knowing you'll catch me
And I'd have it all
I want to trust
I want to feel
I want to believe
I want to be real
I want your love
I want to take it
I want to give it
I don't want to fake it.
I want to trust.
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3 comments:
did you write that? It's very good!
I think it's a common problem. I hope you can find someone you can trust.
it's not easy. You don't want to get hurt. I think it's automatic when you realize the fallen part of human nature will take advantage of a vulnerable person. Especially in a large city with so many strangers around. I live in the country but after getting ripped off, I don't trust hardly ANYONE, only a few.
Can't even walk away from my ncoffee...paranoid even.
Good luck with that.
PS. my sister is one of the most cautious people I have ever known. On a cross country trip with her family, she had us moved several times to other hotel rooms, for reasons ranging from a small 'drill' hole over the bed, to a worn spot on a toilet seat to a smudge of black mold in the caulking of the shower. Meanwhile,the sight of a pubic hair in a sheet doesn't phase me. Brush it away and roll over. ;)
"The Cautious Woman"
hehehe.
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