W4M

So Rambler's been doing a little Internet dating. I know, you all assume I have a harem at home, but sadly that is not the case. Anyway, while I'll hardly be the first to do this, I thought I'd share some amusing observations from my month or so online.

Smoking is now apparently worse than being a crack addict or molester. I see scores of women on the site I'm on who have no problem with big drinkers or drug users, but smoking? No, never. Now Rambler quit his smokes last year, in fact it'll be a year tomorrow. I'm glad I did although I do miss my old lover (see "To The Curb") at times. Still, I'm just envisioning the conversation if I hadn't quit that and other stuff.

Girl: OK, so what do you like to do for fun.
Me: I get high, drink a lot and sit in my apartment for days looking at Internet porn.
Girl: Cool. You don't smoke do you?
Me: Uh, well occasionally I have a Marlboro.
Girl: Click.

I also love the folks who say they are light social drinkers yet every photo of themselves is either in a bar or holding a drink at home and one of the five things they can't live without is usually vodka or red wine. Uh, if one of five things say you can't live life without is booze, you might be more than a "light social drinker."

There are also those who reply "rather not say" to the drink, drug, smoke question. Guess what, if you'd rather not say, than you probably do so just own that shit.

Now anyone who reads my stuff here can probably figure out that besides the cigarettes, I also put down the booze, etc. a while back as well. And I say in my ad that I don't drink at all, don't smoke at all. This may explain why I don't get as many responses as I'd like when I respond to ads. At least that's what I tell myself because, really, who could resist my looks and abundant charm? Then again, perhaps listing "American Psycho" as my favorite book isn't a selling point. Joke.

I don't go after the folks who say they are "very social drinkers" because I've decided that if "light social drinker" means "I get bombed four nights a week" then "very social drinker" means "there's a room at Smithers with my name on it." BTW, I did the exact same shit a few years ago. I don't care what others do (short from getting material for this post, of course). I just know that it'd be a waste of time for me to pursue someone who found "Sideways" to be a spiritually uplifting movie.

Enough of that and on to some other tidbits. Some post ten pictures and make you guess which one is most accurate. I don't want to spend a lot of time determining whether the shot of you in the the Huey Lewis t-shirt is older than the one with you in the Strokes shirt or if you just are flexing your ironic hipster muscle.

Others go a little overboard in what they're looking for in a man. "I want someone who can go rock climbing, run a marathon and look great in tux all in the same day." Yeah, if I see Jack Bauer on this site, I'll send him your way.

I'm going to keep doing this shit (I paid through April) and who knows, maybe something will come of it. I don't regret it, but it is a little like high school and trying to get the pretty girl to notice me. At least the pretty girl in the picture.

Oh, and really I am 6'4 and hung like a horse. Well, at least the latter part is true.